I hate this body that has been forced upon me. I hate the massive bulges all over it, and the way it moves. If it was like i wanted it to be it would be the bare minimals. Itwould be skin over bones, no fat at all. Bones would stick out all over the place. That is beauty. I am not beauty. My stomach is not concave like it should be. My thighs are not as small as my knees and my butt is not rock hard and nearly non existant. Everything about this body is fat and meaty. I want it to be delicate and gorgeous, but no matter how many thigh tighteners i do, they still touch. i want there to be gaps!!! why am i punished with this hideous body??? Why am i not strong enough to resist all food. Why must i say yes when people offer me food? AAll food is bad, none of it is needed. There is enough fat on this enormous body to last a life time. Why can i no longer force my finers down my throat, till it is scratches and sore, but my tummy empty. For a few wonderful months i got away with not eating and chucking all up. No one even had a clue. That is the only bad thing about their break up, she is now not so stoned. I carve thiness, i crave the beauty i do not posses. Don't tell me i'm beautiful, i HATE liars. I must go and force myself to do more and more exercises. Leg lifts, sit ups, push ups, squats, millions of others. I must do what i can with this vile body.