i'm digusted with myself. i'm lying here thinking how badly i want to get stoned. i can't sleep cause of it. how did i let myself get this way? this is the longest i've gone without getting stoned in quite a while. i haven't smoked a cone for 16 days. wow. most days i think about it too. it's pathetic. i wish i hadn't tried it but i'm glad i did in a way. i really just want to go into dads office and get high. i just want to really badly. i was gonna say need there, thats how crap i am....
i never want to get high again but i no that i will. i don't have the will power to say no to a cone right now. if i had a bong i'd probs be getting stoned right now. thats bad. yea even though i consider myself bad i could never ask for help to stop. i could never tell someone whp hasn't tried to quit pot what i'm going through. i know i haven't been smoking it for that long but i think i'm addicted to it..... FUCK YOU SUCK LIANA!!!!!!
right now i'm trying to get drunk so i can forget about getting stoned... so bad. ah well. dad did buy me the alcahol. god and dad said he was proud of me cause he thinks i
m a good, happy, nice girl. i'm the total oposite and that makes me feel...... gross..... i'm disgusted with myself. everything about me i hate. every inch, every thought, every partical.
i'm feeling a fair bit tipsy... maybe cause i've drunk a fair bit. i've had two apple and rasberry auras, and about 4 glasses of wine..... dad only thinks i've had the wine... so dumb... ah well i'm not gonna change what he's thinking.
i saw te'a today. she's so inocent. very... young. like i used to be... she still likes toys and hasn't even considered hugging a guy. she doesn't think she'd even be ready to kiss a guy for christ sake. she still likes hilary duff and gets total girl... ahhhh i used to be like that....
i can't even imagine myself like that anymore...... ah well, there's only me to blame for beoming a pot head, druggie loser.