Friday, March 31, 2006

i guess he was just embarrased. I guess i'm just embarrasing. i guess i'm just worthless. i guess he didn't think. i guess he doesn't. i guess he doesn't care. i guess i'm just fucked. i guess i'm just a liar, i know i'm just a liar. burning burning burning. Wasn't it obivous? Was it regretted? Was it even fucking noticed?

# posted by lee rosie | 1:08 AM |

Thursday, March 23, 2006

i've failed at life

i truly truly have
there is nothing i can do even half right
i've started writing in here again
and that scares the fuck out of me
i don't know how i feel
i say that he can't hurt me
but he can, and he does
everyday my heart breaks
and i go why?
then he comes and fixes right back up
and i am left even more confused then when he broke my heart
and more liable to getting hurt again
i'm sick of the burning sensation that makes me want to throw up
and curl up in pain
but i can't give up
i don't want to go to school
but tehn i can't go to the concert
and i am looknig forward to that
i think it will take my mind off other thigs
but i know that i will not only be concentrating on the bands but on him
and that feeling will come back
and i don't want that feeling
ever
i'm going to go in the mosh
and fling myself around
smash into people
and get lots and ltos of hurt
then maybe i wont desire to slash my flesh so much
i don't know how much longer i can keep it at bay
i can barely keep it back
he doesn't mean to
why can't i stop thinking of him?
i never can
all day i think about him
and i don't want to
i want to concentrate on my work
and i want to do good
and i want to know what i want to be when i grow up
and i seem to be running out of time
it seems like i have to decide everything right now
but i'm not ready
i don't know if i'll ever be
at the moment i jsut want to drop out of school
see if i can get a job somewhere
make it somehow
instead i'll keep dragging myself out of bed
going to school
hoping that one day i'll have the answers
i want to be good
at something
anything
i want to believe it myself
not just others
all the things i love doing
i am shokcing at
no matter how hard i try
i can't do it
and so i go
fuck it
and i give up on it. i always give upop. i'm just a lousy give up.
i wish i didn't always fail

# posted by lee rosie | 2:07 AM |

Monday, March 20, 2006

fat fat fat. i am so fat
10 kilos = i gotta loose.
thats not that much.
i can do it
maybe
got to
got to be pretty
not flabby
the end

# posted by lee rosie | 2:39 AM |

Sunday, March 19, 2006

i'm still just a fucking junkie to you aren't i.....

# posted by lee rosie | 10:59 PM |

Thursday, October 27, 2005

# posted by lee rosie | 3:08 AM |

Monday, October 24, 2005

Always trying to make love out of care… the perfect recipe but something wasn’t there

none of its right anymore. I can't take it. i want to end, but i know that i'll regret it. I'll never get what i really want. I know that, so i keep on with the same monotonus thing, though i don't know if thats what i want anymore. How can something mean so much one second, then less then nothing the next? Not even a second. flashes in my head and i can't control it. I wish i knew what to do.

# posted by lee rosie | 4:11 AM |

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

so much hurt, i know its deep. when you are hurt listen to me....

all i can think about is throwing up. Everytime i eat, i want to go and throw up. so far i haven't, but the urge is so strong. I want to eat normally and shit, but i also don't want to. empty stomach means flatter stomach, and flat is better.
I jsut ate, and i have to hold myself here so i don't go and chuck up. sometimes i jsut go and sit in the bathroom, hoping that the feeling will go away.

# posted by lee rosie | 5:45 PM |